Three Ways to Exasperate Your Children

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

–Colossians 3:21

The test of whether a child or teenager is becoming like Jesus Christ is their willingness to obey their parents. But parents also have a role. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” The word translated as “exasperate” means to irritate or frustrate. Ephesians 6:4 says it this way: “Do not provoke your children to anger.” If you’re a parent, let me share with you three things that are guaranteed to exasperate your children.

1. Continual nagging. My daughters are grown now, but when I used to kiss each of them goodnight, the last thing I said was, “Have you brushed your teeth?” They hated that. I zeroed in on one thing, and it became an annoyance to them. Don’t continually nag your children.
2. Unfavorable comparison. It may be comparison with a brother or sister, or it may be comparison with another child, saying, “Why can’t you be more like them?” Remember, your child’s self-esteem is fragile. James Dobson wrote, “It is a wise adult who understands that self-esteem is the most fragile characteristic in human nature, and once broken, its reconstruction is more difficult than repairing Humpty-Dumpty.”
3. Inconsistent discipline. My wife and I used to go out to eat with a couple who had a six-year-old son. When the son misbehaved at dinner, sometimes his parents would egg him on, but other times, his father would yank him by the arm, take him to the bathroom, and discipline him. The little boy didn’t know how he was supposed to behave. It’s like putting spurs in a horse’s side while pulling back on the reins–the horse doesn’t know whether to go or stop. In the same way, inconsistent discipline will cause a child to become confused and lose heart. Similarly, let’s say Mom grounds her teenager for breaking curfew. So the girl goes to her father and says, “Daddy, can I go to this party next Friday night?” Dad is ticked off at Mom about something else, so he says, “Sure, you can go.” And thus begins World War III in the house. When children receive inconsistent discipline, eventually they become exasperated and give up.

The Bible says not to provoke your children. But Ephesians 6:4 adds a positive word: “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” As a parent, your number one priority with your children should be encouraging their relationship with God.

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Today’s devotion is adapted from “Dads, Front and Center” by Dr. Robert Jeffress, 2012.

James Dobson, Building Confidence in Your Child (Grand Rapids: Revell, 2015), 79.

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org.