Receiving Forgiveness Vs. Granting Forgiveness

If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
–Luke 17:3

Some people say that forgiving an unrepentant person is unbiblical. After all, repentance appears to be the condition for being forgiven by God. In Luke 13:3 Jesus said, “Unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” And 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins.” It also seems as if repentance is necessary for forgiving other people. In Luke 17:3–4, Jesus said, “If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

So if God requires us to repent before we receive forgiveness, and if we are to forgive others in the same way that God forgives us (Ephesians 4:32), then isn’t it logical that we’re not to forgive somebody unless they repent?

Not so fast. There’s a difference between receiving forgiveness and granting forgiveness. Repentance is necessary to receive forgiveness from another person or from God, but it has nothing to do with granting forgiveness to somebody who has hurt us.

Let me illustrate this for you. Suppose a husband comes to me and says, “My wife caught me having an affair, and I don’t know how to get her to forgive me.” I’m going to tell him, “Buddy, you better go crawling back to your wife and beg her for forgiveness. Admit what you did was wrong and promise that you’ll never do it again.” From his point of view as the one needing forgiveness, repentance is vital. But suppose instead the wife comes to me and says, “Pastor, I discovered that my husband is having an affair. I’m angry, and I can’t let go of it.” I’m going to tell her, “You need to forgive him.” I explain that forgiveness doesn’t erase the consequences of what her husband has done. Forgiving doesn’t even guarantee that the marriage will continue. But forgiveness is letting go of her right to settle the score and giving her husband over to God. It means letting go of that bitterness so that she can get on with her life.

Forgiveness can be granted without repentance, but it can never be received without repentance.

Today’s devotion is adapted from “Why the Words ‘I’m Sorry’ Are Highly Overrated,” by Dr. Robert Jeffress, 2015.

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org.