Forgiving People You Never Want to Eat Lunch with Again

Be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise.
–Ephesians 5:15

Imagine that your pastor has fallen ill, and you have been asked to sit in his chair for a day. You have two counseling appointments on your schedule. How would you respond to each person?

Your first appointment is with Frank, the chairman of your deacons. He says, “Pastor, you asked me to serve on the long-range building committee with my fellow deacon Bill. But a few years ago, Bill cheated my son out of $25,000. And while I have forgiven Bill, he never said he was sorry. I just can’t serve on a committee with Bill when he hasn’t shown any remorse for what he’s done.” How would you counsel Frank? Would you tell him that he really hasn’t forgiven Bill if he won’t serve on a committee with him? Is Frank harboring bitterness in his life because he refuses to work alongside a fellow church member?

Your second appointment is with a godly church member named Sally. She and John have been married for ten years. The physical abuse began when they were dating and has continued through their marriage, increasing in severity. Recently, Sally persuaded John to go to a marriage seminar at the church. The speaker gave people a chance to trust in Christ as their Savior, and John prayed to receive salvation. When they got home, John expressed sorrow for what he had done and asked for Sally’s forgiveness. That lasted a couple of days. Then the abuse began again, and now it’s worse than ever. Sally is fearful for her safety. She wants to move out, but some of her friends have said, “If you’ve truly forgiven your husband, then you’ll stay in that relationship and trust your well-being to God.” How would you counsel Sally? Should she stay in the home and trust God to protect her? Or should she move out? If she really has forgiven her husband, must she be willing to stay in that abusive relationship?

Many people become prisoners of bitterness because they think forgiveness is the same as reconciliation. This week, we will discover that while we can and should unconditionally forgive people, we cannot unconditionally be reconciled with people. Forgiveness depends on me; reconciliation depends on me and my offender.

Today’s devotion is adapted from “Forgiving People You Never Want to Eat Lunch with Again,” by Dr. Robert Jeffress, 2015.

Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org.