Practical wisdom for when things get heated

Is it just me, or do people seem to be getting angrier by the day?

I remember reading a sad news story about a man who was court-ordered to attend an anger management class. He arrived at the class drunk and became so disruptive that the anger management counselor punched him. It turns out anger is difficult to manage—even for anger management experts!

Yet the Bible says if you and I want to have success in our personal lives, our professional lives, and our witness for Jesus Christ, we have to control our anger.

Solomon wrote, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city” (Proverbs 16:32).

I’m not saying we can avoid anger altogether. Anger is a natural response to perceived injustice. And I think you’ll agree that there’s a lot of injustice in our world. We get angry at injustice because we were created in the image of a God who gets angry at injustice.

This is why anger is not necessarily sinful—it depends on how we respond to our anger.

If we explode with rage and lash out at others, or if we suppress our anger until it turns into bitterness, we end up hurting ourselves and everybody around us. Most of all, we hurt the cause of Christ. That’s why it’s essential for every Christian to understand what the Bible says about anger so we can apply these strategies in our own lives and share them with our family members and friends.

So how do we deal effectively with our anger? Let me share five secrets from the book of Proverbs for keeping your cool when things get hot.

1. Don’t associate with angry people. Proverbs 22:24–25 says, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways.” If you want to control your anger, then stay away from angry people.
2. Call a time-out. When you feel yourself growing angry, remove yourself from the situation and ask to reconvene later. If you’re on the phone, say you’ll call back after you collect your thoughts.

Calling an emotional time-out is not a sign of weakness. In fact, Proverbs 14:29 says, “He who is slow to anger has great understanding.”

3. Analyze the cause of your anger. During that time-out, ask yourself, What’s the real source of my anger? Do I have all the facts about the situation?

I’ve stormed into a colleague’s office, mad about something I heard, only for my colleague to say, “Pastor, let’s be sure we have all the facts first.” Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.” Calm down and make sure you have complete and accurate information.

4. Learn to overlook minor offenses. When you get a paper cut, do you run to the emergency room? No. Your pain is real, but you acknowledge it and move on. It should be the same when somebody wrongs you in a minor way. Acknowledge that you’ve been hurt, and then move on.

Proverbs 19:11 says, “It is [our] glory to overlook a transgression.” Don’t let a minor offense ruin your day—and certainly not your life.

5. Learn to forgive major offenses. Some offenses can’t be overlooked. That’s why God gave us the procedure called forgiveness. When you forgive, you’re giving up your right to hurt somebody for hurting you. That doesn’t mean you give up your right to justice, but you leave that up to God and the authorities He has put in place. As Proverbs 20:22 says, “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; wait for the Lord.”

The next time you feel your temper beginning to boil over, I pray you will pause and remember these practical, biblical strategies for keeping your cool and not damaging your family or your witness for Christ.